one, my maid went back to indo alrrr and for many times whn i thought about it i actually cried. like srsly cry. and i dno why (:

two, sch's been alright. and sometimes, just for this period, i just wished that i could stay in school all the time, tt im away from home.

three, im gng to start editing my FINAL FINAL IS DRAFT AGAIN.

four, i have way a lot to say, but its just so hard to express, so hard to find someone who really knows.

five, but yet, im used to it, since it has always been like this for 18yrs. and just whn i thought things were about to change, i realised im wrong.

i dont care how everyone will say its because ur parents and the elderlys dote on you, that they care a lot for you, and they want to see you safe and sound, they want to protect you. but now, i JUST NEED TO RANT.

FOR HOW MANY YEARS, ive been brought up in a way tt im really independent. AND I REALLY THINK I AM. that i do take care of myself physically, im indpt emotionally, im indpt financially ever since dno whn. that i will even have to settle miscellenous stuff on my own. AND UNTIL NOW, WHN IM 18, everyone started controlling where i go, wht im doing, how i am every single sec, treating me like a 3 year old kid. thks. but i srsly think this phrase suits it best. the older i am now, the less freedom im receiving.

yes rightt dad's always saying he promotes freedom and everything. but I DONT EVER THINK IT CAME TRUE. you all may care that i may come home late, thn you wanted to fetch me home. but everyone didnt reeally bother to take wht i said into consideration aint it ? that however hard i rejected, how many reasons and assurance ive given, you all dont bother, you all go ahead with ur thinking till i have to resort to gng home myself walking home myself and reaching home and NOT calling you all to come and fetch me.

I KNOW EVERYONE CARES, I NVR DENIED THAT. AND I REALLY HAVE BEEN TRYING TO LIVE UP TO EXPECTATIONS. EVEN FOR THE RIDICULOUS CURFEW OF 9PM EVER SINCE SEC SCH. AND SRSLY, IVE NEVER FAILED TO REACH HOME BY 9 TO A LARGE LARGE EXTENT.

ive been trying hard to study, for promos and prelims, so tt i dont fail my mum, and im really trying to get into Uni, for mum's sake. i know she cares a lot and i really have tried to meet her expectations. ive been trying to not go out all the time, have been trying to come home straight aft school, so that grandma and grandpa neednt have to wait so long for me. ive been trying to think of everyone, to put myself in my family's shoes, my dad my mum my grandparents my aunt and everyone. ive been trying really hard. BUT SRSLY, IVE BEEN SUPPRESSING ALL MY FEELINGS. and i meant what i said. because everytime i bring these issues up, i'll have to quarrel with mum or dad or both. that i will end up crying because of my anger, but they just think that they have won another round. AND CONT WHT THEY ARE DNG. and yes its my fauly for not being able to control my anger and thn burst out into tears huh.

When they persist about sending me home and sending me to sch, i tried tons of many ways, to make them less persistent, tt ive been assuring them tt i can do it on my own. but nth gets in. AGAIN, YES THEY CARE, BUT SOMETIMES, AN OVERLOAD OF IT, IS REALLY OVERWHELMING.

When dad commented tt im sensible, im thoughtful, i never felt a tinge of contentment or fulfillment. i just felt stress levelling up. that means i'll have to be even more considerate about everyone, and continue this behaviour. and maybe, to a large extent, im the only daughter. but srsly, im really overwhelmed. and at times, i felt tt i shld not act like wht they think i shld at all. i can be a little more disobedient huh. but i guess, at the age of 18, everything's too late.

or maybe, i can be blamed for bottling everything up huh ? or always crying whn they were discussing it with me due to anger building up. but no matter how hard ive tried to acheive some consensus, it has always failed. that whn i come home late, even at 9, EVERYONE will be waiting outside for me to arrive home.

perhaps im still young to them at the age of 18, but the feeling of envy will always get to me whnever i see people of the same age having the ability to stay out ltr, not having to bother as much, like whthr will anyone be at home to acc mother or grandma if im out, will anyone be waiting to fetch me home, will everyone be waiting for me to reach before eating or slping, when will the phone calls ring, whts the most appropriate time to get home. but maybe, those people may want people to dote on them and protect them like these. but ive been surrounded with all these for way too long and its way too muchhh of care and concern. i had more than enough of it. i really do.

and eeven while typing all these, ive been tear-ing at times. and maybe aft typing so much, people may blame ME for all these, that they do stand by my family members. but i really dont care anymore. i wanted to try to talk to my aunt or mum, but all the different questions started popping into my head till it thn puts me off. but whtever it is, i thk myself for having a blog so tt i can rant anytime. and its not like ive not try to find someone to talk toooooo but i suppose, their views will STILL be different huh.

but ive always been learning to depend on myself all these while, even whn i was in kindergarden. that the beating me up, locking me in the room till now, i guess ive learnt to be strong.

so whtevr, the main pt is,

I HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH OF HOME PROTECTIONISM.